In the beginning, there was Charmed…
When I was about 9 years old, I went over to my aunt’s house and she was watching Charmed. I had grown up in a Christian home and family, so my first reaction was, “That’s the Devil’s work!” She reassured me that she didn’t believe in it and said, “Kel, it’s just a show.” I shrugged and let it go. Well, when I was 10, my mom got remarried and we moved to Michigan. This is when I started to actually get into watching tv, other than just music channels. I would watch lots of different shows on lots of different channels. One day, I just happened to turn it to TNT which Charmed was on. At this point, I was about 12 years old. I remembered that I had thought it was evil and that my aunt had just told me it was a show. So as I remembered it was just a show, I decided to give it a shot and watch an episode. I cannot remember what episode it was but I remember I loved the ever-living fuck out of it. So I noted what time it came on and decided to watch it from there on out. I bought Season One that way I could start from the beginning. I liked this show so much, I would research the chants and everything I possibly could online, that was JUST related to that show. I looked up all the characters’ names, including Elders and Demons. At that point, I had actually started to write my own story off of one of the Demons. I kept my own little Charmed journal, and hid it because I didn’t want my mom to freak out. Well, one day, she found it and started freaking out, saying that I am becoming a witch. I told her, “No mom, remember?! Diane said it was just a show. I’m just playing along!” So she called my aunt and told her the situation. My aunt started freaking out as well, blaming herself for me taking such a high interest in this show. At the time, I wasn’t really into the witchcraft, I just wanted to act like I was part of the show. To this day, I see nothing wrong with that. Kids use their imagination for all sorts of things. My mom was so freaked out, that she pretty much made me give it all up.
It’s a few years down the road now and we have moved to a different house in a different city, because we needed more room. My mom still had my Season One pack and I had no idea where my journal was, but we had gotten Dish cable. So the first thing I did was started watching Charmed again, but this time, that’s all I did was watch. And watch. And watch. I recorded episodes to watch later. And that was just my favorite thing to do. I wanna say that I was around 14 or 15 at this time. Eventually, I got interested in the spells they were using and so I googled “Spells.” I found stuff that didn’t make much sense to me. I saw all of this information about a god and goddess and I instantly thought, “Maybe I shouldn’t be looking into this. It doesn’t make any sense and I don’t believe there is a woman god along with God.” (Again, I was raised Christian.) So I pretty much just ignored it and kept watching the show.
Now, a few more years passed and I was in high school, worrying about college, and all that jazz. I was 17 years old. I had started getting back into looking that stuff up. Just basic Charmed information. Well, I graduated when I was 17 and started college that fall. My roommate (loweenelizabeth) had introduced me to tumblr. I started looking up stuff about Wicca, because that was the only thing at the time I had found from my “spells” research. As I read more and more about it, I became comfortable with the fact that this was who I was. All of it made sense. Every single bit. I was still trying to grasp the God and Goddess aspect, but everything else fell into place.
So I called myself a Christa-Wiccan for a short bit of time, then realized that my Christianity was fading away. I was starting to realize that the Bible was full of contradictions and nothing felt right inside of it for me. When I was 18 years old, the summer after my first (and only) year of college, I met my fiance, Teddy. He happened to be into witchcraft as well, and knew I was a witch before I did. He says he could “just tell.” LOL. I was, and am, very fortunate to have someone that had the same interests and lifestyle as I did. He is Wiccan.
So time went on, and we are living a great spiritual/witchy life and then one day, I was on a forum. Someone had told me a very complex definition as to what Wicca really is, and it was believable. I cannot remember what this definition was, nor can I find it anywhere online. (Also, cannot remember the name of the site with the forum.) It was more than just the Gardnerian definition or the Dianic definition, it was something I didn’t quite understand myself but what I did grasp, made lots of sense. So since I was so confused about what was said, I felt it made more sense to call myself Pagan.
This stick true to this day, more so because of the fact that I have so many different concepts, practices, etc that go beyond Wicca. I do celebrate the Sabbats, and believe in the God and Goddess. BUT, I also look at the dark aspects. I love learning about demons and dark magic. I do believe in the Three-fold Law, but I don’t use it as a law, I use it as advice, as well as the Wiccan Rede. I go by it, but do not use it as a law. I do believe in cursing, but I will never do it loosely and willy-nilly. I do incorporate Native American traditions into my practice because, HELLO, I am Native American. (Please do not start with the cultural appropriation shit, not having it)
I do not call myself a specific type of witch, because my concepts/ideas/beliefs vary so much. I love using herbs and spices like a kitchen witch, but I love the planting and gardening in cottage witchcraft as well. I like working with faeries, but also all folklore creatures. I have deities, but I yearn knowledge of demons. My deities lean toward Greeks Gods and Goddesses, but my spirit guide is a wolf. I use candles and oils. I have an altar cloth that I use on the floor, and not my altar. I have an altar that is three shelves, rather than just a table. I use incense and fragrance oils. I use tea as a part of my witchcraft. Sometimes I make my own little blends with herbs, without the actual tea. I don’t cast a circle usually, use bells, or do the wine and cakes thing. I use a scrying mirror but not a crystal ball. I use a crystal pendulum but not dowsing rods. I do meditation, but I also do yoga. When I do meditation, I usually get to my “place” but using a drumbeat trance song. Point being, I have so many different customs and practices that it is just best to call myself Pagan, as that is what I am most comfortable with.
And that is where I am today.